Arranged Marriage. Anon, Brighton.

Dear Aunt Maudlyn,

I have recently just graduated, and my parents have already started pressuring me to get married... already found a suitable man, in fact. I barely know what I want in life, let alone to get married. What do you think I should do? Talking to them is utterly useless, Indian parents only think a girl can truly be happy once married...

Yours,

Anon.

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Dear Krishna,

How old are you? Marriage is not a thing that should be entered into without lengthy consideration. Are you ready to abandon your sex life, and become a slave to someone who you will slowly grow to hate? You are right to be apprehensive about this step in your life.
However, while it is something that requires extensive fore-thought, it's still not as big a deal as people make it out to be – 98% of all marriages in today’s society end in death or divorce, sometimes both in rapid succession.
If you have your heart set on being a barren spinster, then I suggest that you try and put these men off in any way that you can. You’re bound to be feeling nervous – eat a large meal before meeting him and then vomit on his shirt. Accuse him of physically interfering with you against your will (sexual assault or rape). Portray yourself as being mentally unbalanced to the extent that he decides that life with you would be hell.
However, do nothing that could bring shame upon your family – and do not argue with your elders. Pakistani parents are renowned for killing or severely mutilating their daughters in chip pan fires, for the sake of preserving family honour. If you’re a fan of Eastenders, you will already be aware of this.

Stay safe, and please feel free to write back if you require any more advice.

Maudlyn