Dancing Queen. Anon, Stafford.

Hi Maudlyn

Whenever i go out to dance', people always think I'm gay. I hate this because women will dance with me then turn away and laugh if I try to dance with them. and men will come up to me and start humping my leg!! 

Maybe its the clothes I wear, or the way I dance, or my expressions? I don't know! But I'm tired of being mistaken for a homosexual. I want to impress the ladies and dance like a stud! Have you got any suggestions?

Anon.

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Dear Darren,

I’m very sorry to hear of your homosexuality, though I am pleased that you’re persevering with finding a woman. Try not to look at a woman when you dance with her. Most women, especially sluts, prefer not to make eye contact. Have you ever tried reaching over and grabbing at a breast, or a crotch? Uninvited sexual contact, while slightly illegal, may sufficiently indicate to those around you that you’re on a ‘gash hunt’ rather than searching for a homosexual night of passion.
Also, try engaging in ‘themed dances’, such as ‘the chicken dance’, ‘jazz hands’, ‘changing the lightbulb’, or ‘spanking the bishop’. The ‘dutty wine’ is also very popular at the moment, and may just help you to make some new female friends.
In the mean time, try to enjoy the pleasures of thrashing one out to heterosexual pornography.
If all else fails, you should visit a day centre. The mentally and physically disabled are far less discriminatory when it comes to making friends, and your dancing there is bound to entertain and impress.

Best wishes,

Maudlyn